Jade Goody’s heartbroken mum reveals how she ate dinner at her grave and still lights six candles for her every night 10 years on

IT’S been almost ten years since Big Brother star and mum-of-two Jade Goody’s tragic death aged just 27.
But as the March anniversary approaches, for heartbroken mum Jackiey Budden, 61, the pain she feels a decade on is still as raw as the day Jade died.

For reasons she won’t go into, she hasn’t seen her grandchildren Bobby, 15, and Freddie, 14, for a year

Here she tells Us in heartbreaking detail that she’ll never get over Jade’s death.

Jackiey, who struggled with drug addiction in the past, is more upset now than ever and lights six candles for Jade every night.

She has two shrines of photos and flowers dedicated to her daughter by her front door and in the garden.

She says: “It’s been ten years but it’s still the same as every day that’s gone past – I have a big gap. I miss everything – even our arguing, or her kicking me out – we could only take so much of each other as we’re so similar.

“I can’t get to her grave in Upshire – I can’t do it.

“I used to lay out a blanket and sit and have dinner with her and talk to her, but I haven’t done it in about eight years now.

Breaking down in the living room of her two-bed council flat in South London – which is decorated with cherished photos of Jade and her sons – an emotional Jackiey says: “The hole just gets bigger because she’s not here.

“People say it gets better but there’s no getting better – it stays the same.

“I washed her, cleaned her after she died, and that’s the flashback I get, 24/7. We just watched her deteriorate.”

From the minute affable Jade Goody entered the Big Brother house in 2003, she captivated the nation. But in August 2008 she was told she had cervical cancer and died just seven months later.

During her battle The Sun launched Jade’s Legacy campaign, urging women to go for smear tests.

This week this newspaper launched Cheers for Smears to ensure women across the UK attend their screenings.

Jackiey, who lost the use of her left arm in a motorbike accident when Jade was young says: “We did everything for jade and her legacy. I went to Downing Street with our petition, and campaigned in Ireland.

“Jade would be very proud, and proud of me.”

Jackiey raised Jade alone as her dad, Andy, had a spate of prison sentences for robbery and drug dealing.

After Jade’s death, Jackiey tried to find comfort in the arms of various toyboys.

She moved to Tenerife with chef Jason Cooper, then 37, before a short-lived romance with Aaron Woolhouse, 31.

Bisexual Jackiey, who previously revealed she was in so much pain after her daughter’s death that she attempted suicide.

“I’ve been put on anti-depressants and the dose has been increased. I don’t sleep.”

Touchingly, Jackiey says that when she was really missing Jade, she and her grandsons took comfort in old footage of her.

“If we had a bad day and were thinking of mum, we put her DVDs on and watched them together. We’d sit and watch her PAs or workout DVDs to get through the day”.

Jade famously saved £1m from TV and picture rights to her wedding before her death, desperate to provide for her boys afterwards.

Jackiey says that while she doesn’t know how much money there is for her grandchildren, she believes there are funds available to care for the two boys, despite The Sun revealing Jade’s fortune was nearly wiped out in 2011 by massive tax debts, which legally had to be paid.

She says: “There is money for the boys in a trust. Bobby’s private education is still paid for by Jade’s money.

“Freddie goes to a state school and loves it – the money would be there if he was to go to private school.

“There was enough to provide for the boys. I think they’ll get it when they’re 18 or 21.”

Jackiey, who doesn’t work, said at one point that she was going to sell some of Jade’s possessions when her benefits were cut.

Jack Tweed, who married Jade one month before she died, previously claimed that Jade wanted him to adopt the two boys she had with Jeff Brazier.

But Jackiey questions what Jade really had in mind, saying: “I’ve never heard Jade mention about Jack adopting the boys, and she would have said it to me.”

To mark her daughter’s anniversary on March 22, Jackiey is taking part in a Channel 4 documentary.

She says she’s been humbled by and takes comfort from Jade’s fans’ efforts to keep her memory alive: “Every year Mother’s day kills me but I get 16 cards every year, through Jade’s fans. The public leave flowers on her grave too.

I think of her 24/7